The Books of R. J. Brown

STANDING THE WATCH: The Greatest Gift
Foreword
by Lynn Lott, M.A., M.F.T.

       I remember a time when my mother replied to a comment I made about how sad I would be to lose her saying, 'Lynn, no one is put on this earth to live forever.' As a person who has lived most of my life in as much denial as I can muster about death, Rebecca Brown's book STANDING THE WATCH: The Greatest Gift was just what I needed to wake me up and re-educate me about dying and death.
       Before reading this book, I never believed that giving a loved one a home death could be a gift to both the dying and the living. Oh sure, I'd heard countless people tell me how glad they were to be with a loved one as they passed from this world, how special the experience was, and how they underwent their own spiritual high. Did I believe them? No way! But now, after reading Rebecca's book, I'm wondering.
       I have experienced several home births, never questioning the rightness of being present when someone draws their first breath, yet I have lived in fear of being present when someone draws their last. Is this because I think they aren't worth it? No. Is it because I think dying is best done in a hospital? No. It's simply because it is unknown to me and therefore, I'm scared.
       STANDING THE WATCH has helped me feel less fearful, as I could be an invisible fly on the wall as Rebecca and David ministered to her dying father-in-law. After accompanying them on their journey, I can believe Rebecca when she says, 'While a home death can be frightening, time-consuming, worrying, stressful, unpleasant and tedious, it is also a fertile ground for courage, discipline, stamina, spirituality, compassion, loyalty, humor and love.'
       With a combination of stories, logs, e-mails, childhood memories and essays of microscopic honesty, Rebecca takes us on the journey of her father-in-law, Lincoln Brown's last days. As you read you'll feel like you are chatting with Rebecca over a cup of tea. Her style is warm, loving, informative and awe-inspiring. It is no surprise that she received a lot of encouragement from her friends to write this book. By making the time in her life to put down this story of dying and death, she helps all of us learn to accept that death is as natural a part of life as birth.
       Why would we want to learn more about death? As a writer of parenting and other self help books, I know there is no shortage of books teaching us how to welcome, celebrate and live life. But we still hide from death or hope others will take care of it for us. As one of Rebecca's friends said, 'I am always surprised how few people realize the sacredness of death, what an honor it is to be present.....By attending to death with the same seriousness as birth, we learn how to die.'
       Whether you intend to care for a loved one as they die and are looking for comfort, wisdom and help, or whether you doubt that you will ever be at the bedside of a dying person, there is much to gain from Rebecca Brown's book. Surely, you will be swept away by the love that fills the pages. Absolutely, you will be amazed at the courage and tenacity of David and Rebecca as they help Lincoln exit this world. And certainly, you will be comforted by the stories of other deaths and other times, as Rebecca shares from her past. I am guessing you will find yourself thinking, 'I wish I could be like that.' Or, 'I could never be like that.' Or, 'Lincoln Brown was one lucky man.' I promise that your feelings will be stirred and you will be lovingly nurtured out of your denial of death.
       I highly recommend you spend an evening or two with this book, in front of the fire if you have one. The time you spend will be enriching both in the present while you are captivated by Rebecca Brown's story, and in the future, when you are experiencing a death of a loved one, or perhaps, even your own. Since we aren't put on this earth to live forever, we can face death with more courage, honesty and acceptance after reading STANDING THE WATCH: The Greatest Gift.
       I personally would like to thank Rebecca for writing her own story in addition to all the writing she does about our books. She has many gifts, especially this ability to take on the unspoken and tell it like it is.